


The end of the line. And Beyond.

by MrsFrench



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Adoption, Anxiety Attacks, Avengers Family, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes and the 21st Century, Domestic Avengers, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, No Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2019-12-26 19:12:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18288509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsFrench/pseuds/MrsFrench
Summary: After a panic attack, Bucky remembers. He remembers wanting something, something he couldn't have back in the days. But now, he could. They could.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, that's my first stucky fic! I hope you'll like it :). Know that English isn't my first language and that nobody helps me to write or correct, i'm trying my best!  
> Enjoy :D

The wind was blowing hard and it was cold at the Docks. Bucky had charged ships, he worked all day and he didn't even have time to eat during his break. The salt in the air made his hair looked greasy and his mouth was dry. His ears hurt. It was difficult to talk. His shirt was to thin to protect him from the weather. He was lucky he needed to go home earlier than usual: Becca had told him yesterday that she needed him. So he was on his way back home, walking as fast as he can. He fought against the wind to get back at his apartment. He didn't even come completely inside that his sister screamed his name.

She was in her bedroom. He came into her bedroom, curious. She was looking at something in her closet, and she took two dresses out. One white and another one yellow. « Which one should I wear?

-You're kidding, right ? That's why you needed me? »

She made a little smile at him, and she looked at him softly.

« Yes. I have a date! That's my first one! That's important! I can't ask mom and dad, you know how they are.

-I needed to work Becca.

-But you always work.

-Well, I have rent to pay, you know, I don't live here anymore. »

She groaned, visibly annoyed.

« Stop complaining, you're here already. So, which one? »

He rolled his eyes. « The yellow one. You'll be pretty.

-Oh, but I'm pretty already. »

He groans, and she laughed at him.

« Should I curl my hair or should I tie them down?

-Fuck, I don't know Becca. I don't even know who asked you on a date. Do I know him? Is he good? What if he just wanna get into your pants? »

She was surprised by the number of questions he was asking.

« Bucky, stop. He's a great guy. I don't know if you know him. We met thanks to Anna, they're friends. His name is Thomas, he's two years older than me.

-mmh. What's his last name? »

She didn't even answer. She was looking at herself in the mirror, trying different hairstyles.

« I'm gonna tie them down. I look older like that. He'd like that.

. -What are you gonna do anyway?

-He takes me to the movies. That's all I know. Don't worry, he'll come to say hello to mom and dad, and I'll be back early. We're just gonna talk a little. »

_Buck?_

Something changed suddenly. He wasn't at his apartment anymore. He was outside. It was cold, and the rain was hurting his back. Someone begged him to stop, again and again, he felt two hands on his arm but he didn't stop. A younger man was underneath him, and he punched him in the face, over and over. The man was bleeding, he was on the ground.

«Bucky! Leave him alone!

-Go away! »

_Bucky? You're with me?_

And now, Becca was crying, she was mad at him. They were wet because of the rain, and she's yelling at him.

« I like him!

-Oh, c'mon Becca, you know he just wanted to get you in his bed!

-He was nice to me! He didn't even kiss me!

-I heard him talking with his friend at the bar yesterday night! »

She pushed him, hard, and ran into her bedroom. « I hate you! » He let her go. He did the right thing. He knew how men could be. He wasn't a good guy for his sister.

« You ruined my first date!

-I'm sorry, okay? I just wanted to protect you.

-Well, he won't ever talk to me again, you did your job, now leave me alone. »

_Bucky, hey?_

It was like waking up. He couldn't see a thing because there was so much light, he was blind. Slowly, he opened his eyes, to find himself in front of a mirror, in a bathroom. But it wasn't his bathrooms. It was all white, with neons. And, he was wet, wearing a towel, tied down at his hips. He had a metal arm. The man in front of him couldn't be him. It was too much. He felt something warm on his back, and a man with the face of Steve was behind him. He was smiling softly. « You're with me Bucky? »

« Steve..? » It couldn't be him. He was taller. Stronger. He put his arms around him. He looked at him through the mirror, shocked, lost.

« Yes, Bucky, I'm here, I'm with you. We're home. »Home? No. It was big. It was clean, bright, shiny, white. He realized that Steve was shirtless. He was wearing sweatpants, that's all. He was warm against Bucky's back. His hands were on his hips, touching, petting. His hands were moving, to his hip's bone, to his stomach, it was light, but Bucky was on fire. He was warm all over.

« Home..? » What he was feeling was new, but natural. He felt good, so good. Steve kissed his cheek, his nose, his jaw. He went down, behind his ear, down to his neck and on his shoulder. That wasn't a thing to do. He needed to stop. Two boys didn't have the right to be like this. He needed to say stop, he needed to... But he gasped. He put his hands on Steve's wrists. He was still kissing his neck. « Yes Buck, home, you're safe, I'm here... I'm gonna make you feel good. »

He wanted Steve to touch him..there. He had a boner. He was hard. Bucky still had Steve's wrist in his hands, holding them, hard. He didn't know what to do. « Hey, my love... Sssshh.. Slow down, everything's okay.. We're alone, we're safe.. »

He let one of Steve's hands go, but he kept the other. He needed to have something to hold. He felt Steve's hand go down, and the towel was falling. He opened his eyes, he didn't even realize he had closed them. And he sees himself in the mirror. He cheeks had turned pink, his neck too. Steve was still kissing him, and but his eyes were locked to Bucky's. They were dark, pupils were blown completely... « You're so pretty. »

Bucky couldn't help himself, he moans. Steve was touching him, his hand stocking his pelvis, and he took his length into his hands, and pumping, slowly, lightly. His head falls onto Steve's shoulder. It was so soft, sweet, but his whole body was on fire, he couldn't think anymore. He wanted to moan, to cry, but he couldn't. What if someone heard them? He couldn't even breath. « Don't hold back. Nobody can hear us, baby, we're all alone... He nodded frenetically, biting his bottom lip. He followed Steve's order, and he moaned. Again. Again. Steve was sucking, licking, stocking. Steve was everywhere. He was warm. It was so good. It was too much. He squeezed on the tip, moving his hand faster and faster, making Bucky whine. He was on the edge already. It was too early, it's a shame, but he couldn't hold back anymore. He wanted to understand what was happening, why Steve was doing this for him, not that he didn't want it, far from that. But what if Steve just gave him a hand? What if it didn't mean anything? He wanted it to mean something.

« Steve.. » He was panicked and he held Steve's other hand hard, squeezed it until it probably hurt. « I know baby, come for me.. »

And he did. He comes, hard. His legs couldn't hold him anymore. He opened his mouth and comes in a silent scream. He saw stars. He was in heaven. Everything was blurry, so he closed his eyes. His body was heavy. And everything came back to him. The War, the serum, Hydra, Wakanda. He was home with Steve, in their apartment, where the other Avengers lived too. He was with his boyfriend. He had the right to be with him. He had to the right to love him deeply. He felt tears in his eyes, and he let them fall. Steve was still stroking him, his orgasm didn't want to stop, it was so good. Steve milked him until he was dry and sensitive. He sobs noisily.

« Oh, sweetheart, come here.. » Steve turned him, so their chests were touching. One of his hands was in his hair and the other on his back. It was calming.

« I've got you, honey, I'm here.. I love you, so much..

-I love you too. » Bucky was holding him, strong, he wanted to be sure he was here with Steve. He kissed his lips, slowly, softly.. It was so intimate.

« C'mon, let me clean you up, and get you ready to sleep, okay? » He nods, he was so tired. Steve cleaned him up with a wet towel, and he lifted him up and walked straight to their bedroom.

« I'm gonna put you on the bed, okay?

-'Kay.. »

And Steve did. The bed was soft, and it was like laying in a cloud. Steve covers him with the blanket. Steve left, and Bucky whined. He came back rapidly.

« Hey, no, no, I'm just gonna take you some water. I'll be right back honey.

-'kay.. »

He kissed his forehead and left. He was back not even a minute after, and he came into the bed with Bucky. He made him drink a little, and bring him closer to him.

« I'm so tired..

-Then sleep.

-I love you.. »

Steve kissed his hair. « I love you. »


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's two years of recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Here's the 2nd Chapter, I hope you'll like it :) Read the tags before rushing into it!

Bucky was better than before. He wasn't completely healthy, but he was better. The other Avengers didn't see that, but Theresa (she's Bucky therapist, and she's truly amazing) and Steve knew. Steve found him, sometimes, sit on the couch, staring vacantly into space, he was everything but here. Sometimes, he was in the bathroom, looking at his reflection, his mouth opened, breathing hard. During those moments, Bucky was somewhere else. He was lost in his own head, in his thoughts. His body was here with Steve, but his mind was watching the memories coming back to him. The first time it happened, Steve freaked out. And it lasted a long time, or not. It depends on how Bucky was feeling, when he was tired, it was for minutes. Sometimes, they took them by surprise, and it was short but strong, and Bucky was usually lost after, panicking.

The first year, he had some of them every week. When he didn't, it was incredible. They didn't last more than a couple of seconds, but when Steve wanted to know what Bucky was remembering, his friend became violent. It was like Bucky wanted to be hurt, wanted to be punished by Steve. Not in a sexual way, not at all. He wanted to bleed, to burn, to hurt. But Steve couldn't hurt him. He couldn't look at him in the eyes and punched him like this, for no reasons. So Bucky found some ways to hurt himself: he cut himself, he banged his head against the nearest wall, he tried to rid his metal arm off, he punched himself with that same arm. He fought himself. He fought Steve too, just after the memories coming back to him, he jumped on Steve and punched him, threw him against a wall, choked him. He wanted Steve to defend himself, to fight him back. But he didn't. But one time, Steve didn't see him coming. He knocked Steve out, and Steve had lost consciousness.

When he woke up, Bucky was curled against him, crying. He was panicked and he kept repeating “wake up, please wake up”. Steve groaned, his head hurt so bad. When Bucky realised he was up, he took Steve into his arms. He was shaking. “I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm gonna leave, I promise you. I'm sorry.”

Steve said it was okay, that it wasn't his fault. It was a panic attack. They didn't really know what it was, so he lied. He didn't want Bucky to go. Bucky looked at his face, down at his lips. He licked his own lips, and then, lean in and kissed Steve. Steve didn't know what was happening, but he let himself be kissed, and then, he kissed Bucky back. Bucky made a high pitched noise in his throat. It was the first time Steve and Bucky kissed since the war. When they stopped, to breath, Bucky stayed silent for a little while. He touched Steve's hair, his eyes were full of regrets and questions. Steve said, surprised, since a little dumb because of his head, “You kissed me.” The other man just nodded. “I wanted to. I saw that we did.. before..”  
Steve just kissed him again. And Bucky reciprocated.

After that, things were less intense than before. They both agreed that Bucky needed to see a therapist. That's how they met Theresa Miller, she was in her forties, she was the best at her school. She worked with a patient who had PTSD, and memories issues. Bucky and she get along pretty fast. At first, Bucky and she did their appointment by Skype. She was always join-able, so just after Bucky had his.. attacks, Bucky called her. When he felt comfortable, he went to her office. She was helping a lot.

The memories that were coming to Bucky were different now. It wasn't about his years for hydra anymore, but about his childhood, his family or Steve. Almost every time, Steve was there and he helped him to come back on Earth. He took him in his arms, against him, he rocked him. Bucky told him everything he saw. How he realised he loved Steve, the double date he used to set to go out with Steve and being safe, even Sarah's death. Their first kiss, just after Steve and him came back to Steve's apartment. Their first time, painful, messy, awkward, but full of love. Steve had an asthma attack that night. He told Steve how his sisters were. He remembered Becca the most. When he didn't understand what he saw, Steve explained to him. Steve helped to fill the blanks of his memory. Bucky always listened carefully, focused, until he fell asleep.

After his attacks, he was tired. Like his body used all his energy to remember. But, weeks after weeks, they stop happening regularly. They were rare. Sometimes, they didn't happen for months. But sometimes he had them fourth, fifth times a week. They were more powerful and long. He always felt exhausted and lost. Sometimes, he didn't even remember his own name. Once, Steve just came back from a mission in Romania, he found Bucky panicked in their bedroom, crying because he didn't know where he was and who he was. So they decided, with Theresa, to always do the same thing to help Bucky coming down.

Steve was supposed to call him by his name, more than once, to tell him where he was. He needed to make sure Bucky was safe, sitting or laying down. He told him everything was okay and that he didn't have to fight. And it was working. He always came down slowly, safely, he listened to Steve's voice and fell asleep. He woke up the next morning, with Steve, and they talked about his memories and what they triggered in him. That's what happened when they slept together for the first time in the 21st century.

Bucky wasn't comfortable with his mind, and he wasn't comfortable with his body, too. Contact was difficult to initiate. Theresa and he worked on that, too. He had been touched so much without his consent that every contact which wasn't expected put him in a state where he was reacting violently. That was that hard, because he wanted Steve, he craved him. He wanted Steve to touch him. But he couldn't even touch himself. They began slowly, with kisses, with his consent. Steve always told him when he wanted to kiss him. Sometimes, they touched each other through their clothes: their chest, arms, back, thighs.. During more than 6 months, that's all that Bucky could do. And he felt horrible for it. He wasn't blind, or deaf. He felt Steve's hardness when they kissed on their bed, or when he wakes up in the morning. He knows what Steve do when he takes too much time in the shower. Sometimes, when Bucky was sure Steve wasn't aware he was here, he looked at him through the little space of the open door. Steve's body was hot, he couldn't deny it, and it was even better when he was under the shower, wet. He observed how Steve touched himself. He loves the expression on Steve's face when he pleasured himself, his murmurs, his breaths, his moans and whines. But the thing he loved the moans is when Steve was close, almost every time, he murmurs Bucky's name to himself, before his body became rigid and that he comes with white spurs of semen.

Bucky didn't know how he could make Steve feels like this. He spent days wondering about how he could make it. He had his fantasies, of course. Sometimes he wished he was confident, so he could just fall into his knees and take Steve in his mouth, and feel him throbbed against his tongue. But every time he tried to just take his shirt off, he has a panic attack. Being naked seems impossible. He hid completely, from head to toe. He hated his body. He had scars all over him. But the worst thing was his arms. It was ugly. He was sure it would upset Steve. Of course, his lover had told him it wasn't a big deal, “I love every part of you, and the arm is a part of you too. I love your arm, and I don't care about your scars, Bucky”, he had said. But it was so ugly, even Bucky couldn't look at it for a long time. It was red. Deep.

He tried, once. They were kissing, it was the evening. The sun was low in the sky. He pushed Steve on the bed. He was so patient with him, he never asked for more, never. So he took his shirt off. He straddled Steve's lap, and he let Steve touches him. He had a panic attack, and he hid underneath the drapes. Steve covered him immediately, and he rocked him. He was reassuring, “you did good my love, that's a big step. You're okay..”   
They called Theresa that night.

At first, they didn't touch at all. But Bucky wanted it so bad. But he was scared: what if he loses control when Steve touches him? What if he hurts Steve? But, slowly, very very slowly, he let Steve touches him. The first time, it was when Steve came back from London (he had a conference about peace in the world or something like this). They began to kiss, and Steve's hands were on his chest, exploring slowly. Bucky wanted to try, but he didn't know how to ask. So he took his wrist and led him down there... “Please..”  
Steve looked at his face, asking for permission. And Bucky put one of his hand in his hair, and pull. So, the blond put his hand on Bucky's hard member, cupping him through his sweatpants. His fingers were exploring his length, the pubic hairs, his base, his cockhead. He was light, and he was looking down at Bucky's face. The brunet couldn't help himself: he moaned, loudly. He turned red, and he decided to hide his face into Steve's neck. He pulled at his hair. He wanted to move, push into Steve's hand. But suddenly, it became too much. He gasped. “Steve...  
-Yes?   
-I'm not sure I can..Can. Stop..”  
And Steve did. They didn't talk after that. They fell asleep.

The pleasure was hard for Bucky. When he felt too good, it was too much. He felt vulnerable, and he needed to stop. Many times, he asked Steve to stop before his orgasm, because he was close fast. Steve touched him, but never bring him to the edge, to the point of no return.

He was more comfortable with touching Steve. He learned what he liked, or not. He tried with his hand, at first. He jerked him off. He discovered that Steve LOVED being loud. He couldn't contain himself, and he didn't really care about that. When he likes something, he lets Bucky know. And when he was far too gone to talk, his body says it for him. He pushed his dick in Bucky's hand, wiggle his hips, gasped, his hands were tied on the drapes. He tore one, once. The second thing Bucky tried, after thinking about it for other a month, was sucking a dick.   
Steve loved Bucky's mouth. If Steve was loud before, now he was louder than everything Bucky knew. He came fast. He lost all his self-control. And Bucky loves when it happens. Steve pulled his hair when Bucky was tracing his way down with his tongue, he let his head fall into the pillow when Bucky licked him from the base to the tip, and sucked, hard, his lips around his cockhead, his tongue massaging his frenulum. The look Steve gave to his lover, half panicked, half aroused, when he was about to shoot, and “Bucky, I'm gonna-” Just before Bucky deepthroat him.   
Mmmh. That was his favourite thing in the world.

Bucky loved making Steve come. He did it in every way possible, with his hand, his mouth, his tongue... He felt powerful. Pleasure made him feel vulnerable, but pleasuring someone else made him feel like he could control the whole world.   
He thought he depended on Steve's movement, his words. But actually, he controlled his pleasure. He could say stop, at any time. He could ask Steve to go faster, deeper, harder, or softer, slower. The first time Steve made Bucky come, on their bed. That was the most powerful thing Bucky felt in his whole life.

Steve was between Bucky's thighs. The Brunet still had his underwear, but Steve had his hand inside. He stroked him very very slowly because Bucky asked him to. The asset couldn't stop watching Steve: he had his head on his tight, like a pillow, and he watched his hand moving up and down. “Tell me if you want me to change something, okay?” He nodded. He tried to resist, even if it was hard. He wanted to know the pleasure. He wanted to know how he made Steve felt. He was shaking all over, it was so difficult to stay still it hurt. But, Steve moves, he pinned Bucky hips to the bed, helping him to stop moving, and he leant down and kissed Bucky's tip. It was only a breath, he barely felt it. But Bucky cried out and came. Everything became dark. He saw stars. He saw the stars. He was sure. He couldn't stop coming, moaning. Steve stoked him through it, again and again, until stopped coming. It was almost a minute, or an hour after, he wasn't sure. But even when Steve has stopped, the pleasure lasted, and lasted, and lasted... He was still shaking, and he realised his cheeks were wet. Was he crying? Steve laughed a little, but it was gentle, he wasn't making fun of him. He brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead. “You're amazing sweetheart, you did so well, oh my god Bucky you're so pretty when you come. You made it sweetheart..”

Bucky was crying but he smiled. Steve kissed him, softly. “Is it okay if I clean you up?  
-Mmmh, okay..”

Bucky's dick was soft, and he didn't think he was going to be hard in a long time after the powerful orgasm he just had. Steve took his underwear off, and he cleaned Bucky up with his shirt. Then, he helped Bucky to put a new underwear on. He was half asleep when Steve lay next to him. “I love you.”

That was the first time Bucky said it, in the 21st century. When he opened his eyes, Steve got tears in his own eyes. “I love you too, my love.”


	3. Chapter 3

A memory came back to him, one day. Steve and he were young, maybe 18, not more. They were on the bed, naked. Steve was cold underneath his hands, and he remembered hating it. They were kissing. He had his finger between Steve's cheeks, on his crack. He was brushing his index on the tight muscle, there... Steve's breath hitched. “Buck..”  
It was the first time he tried to finger his boyfriend, his tiny little boyfriend. Steve cried out when he touched a little thing there.. his prostate. 

Bucky wanted to try. He really, really wanted to try. On him, but on Steve too. He wanted to be fingered. He wanted to put his whole hand in Steve. When Steve helped him to come back, slowly, Bucky was hard. He saw it, but he didn't touch Bucky. Only soft touch, on his arms, chest, and hair. But Bucky whined. “Steve…  
-Yes? Tell me what you need.”

He wasn't so tired, the attack happened fast. “Touch me..” Steve didn't move, he was hesitating. “Bucky, I'm not sure you can take a decision right now.  
-I do, please..”

Steve was holding Bucky between his legs, his chest against Bucky's back. They were sitting on the bed. Bucky moves his ass, feeling Steve's cock becoming hard. He was massive. “Bucky..”  
Steve pinned Bucky's hips to the bed, preventing him to move. “Please... I want..  
-Bucky, not now.”

Bucky cried. He sobs, against Steve's neck. “Please, Steve.  
-Bucky, you're falling asleep. Do you want me to call Theresa?  
-I want to make love to you.”

Steve breath hitched, but he shook his head. No. “I want to Bucky, but not today, not when you're like this.”

Bucky actually sobs, loudly. He didn't understand. Why Steve didn't want him? “You don't like me. You think I'm not attractive.  
-No, no. Sweetheart. No. You're the hottest man on Earth, you're just not in a good state of mind. I promise you, when you'll be able to ask this, I let you make love to me.”

Bucky stayed silent, and he nods. He didn't really know when he fell asleep, but when he woke up, he felt wrong. He was ashamed. Steve was looking at him, with a soft smile that made his eyes wrinkle. “Good morning..”  
Bucky turned red, et he turned his back at Steve. “Don't look at me.  
-Okay. What's happening?”

He groaned. “I'm sorry. For yesterday. I didn't...  
-Don't be, it's okay..”

Steve cuddled him, and he kissed his right shoulder. “Do you want to, though?”  
Bucky didn't even hesitate. “I always want to.  
-But you're not ready?  
-Nah, I'm not ready. Sorry.  
-Stop saying sorry, I already told you it wasn't a big deal. Take your time.”

He nodded again. “Yesterday, I saw you... You were tiny...  
-What was I doing?”

He turned completely red. “Mmhh... I had my fingers in you. It was hot.  
-Oh, I understand why you were so horny uh.” He laughed, but it wasn't mean. Steve was never mean. “Shut up, it's not my fault if you're sexy.  
-Definitely.”

They stayed silent for a little while, maybe two minutes. But Bucky talked again. “I want to try.  
-To finger me?” Steve's voice was small, but it was his sex voice. Bucky shivered. He imagined how his cheeks must be red. Steve made a lot of effort, talking about sex. He didn't like putting words on what he felt, or wanted. He was never shy, out of the bed. He was walking like it was a fucking march, confident, giving orders to everyone. But with Bucky, in the dark of their bedroom? Steve was a kid, he was fifteen again. Every time Bucky asked him to describe the effect of what Bucky was doing to him, or when he wanted to try something on his boyfriend, he turned red. It was cute. Bucky loves when he blushes. It makes his heart beat faster in his chest, and he just want to kiss Steve, and never stop. Sometimes, he makes Steve blush just because he wants to. He suggests something when they're at the movie night with the Avengers. He loves when Tony roasts him, and that Steve blush so hard, his cheeks not pink but actually RED because Tony asked something about their sex life, or what he heard the night before. But he never asked something to bad, or too personal. No, he prefers to see Steve blushed in the bedroom. 

“Yes. But I want you to do it, too. We did it before?  
-Yes, when you were scared you'll hurt me. We used to switch.”

Bucky nod. “I could still hurt you.  
-I'm not weak like before, Buck. I'll be okay.”

Bucky turned to be in front of Steve. “Okay. Then, I want to try now.”  
Steve laughed, visibly amused. “Me, or you?  
-Both.”

Steve kissed him, hard. They did it. He had his fingers inside of Steve. Steve came because of his fingers in him. And he had Steve's fingers in him. It was one of the better things he felt. After that, they slept since the Afternoon.  
The next few weeks, Bucky spent his days wondering if he wanted to sleep with Steve. He finally touched himself while Steve was out, or when he left for a mission in China. He wanted to have Steve with him, he wanted to feel owned, to feel Steve inside him. He wanted to be here and to feel possessed.  
When Steve came back, a week and two days after, he pinned him on the bed, and told him to make him, his. Steve said yes, immediately, but they took things slowly. Steve prepared Bucky, carefully, lovingly. He made him come with his tongue on his asshole. It was so intimate. It was so good. But, then, when Steve decided Bucky was ready for him because he needed to be very careful. Bucky was a super soldier too, but Steve was HUGE. Bucky hoped he could take it. He felt a pressure on his tight pink muscle before Steve pushed slowly, pushing until he was fully inside, to the hilt. It was deep. Bucky felt full. He felt amazing and powerful. 

“You okay?” Bucky had his eyes firmly closed, he bit his lower lip. It was painful. But he couldn't be more close to someone in his life. It was a deep connection, a deep bound. Steve let Bucky lead, completely. It must be hard for him, to not moving. But he let himself being manhandled. “Move..”  
Steve did. Slowly, he hit his prostate again and again. Bucky was shaking, hard. It was so good. “Harder!” It was brutal. In the room, it was just moans, whines, gasps, the “Clack” of two bodies together. It was wet, obscene. Bucky arched his body, moving his hips with Steve. The blond had his head on his neck, licking, lapping, sucking, creating marks all over Bucky's throat and chest. He groaned into his ear, telling how good it was, how good he felt. “Oh god, Bucky you're so tight.” “Jesus you're so pretty.” “Shit Baby..” Bucky needed to feel Steve, his force, his love. “Harder Steve!”  
It was almost painful. With each trust, Bucky's head hit the headboard, but he doesn't care. He squeezed Steve's hardness, milking him. And even when Steve started to lose control, when his thrust became frantic, he was chasing his own pleasure, but he never forgets Bucky. He was making sure he was enjoying this, too. He took his length in his hand, stroking him hard and fast. At this exact moment, he realised that he'll never hurt Steve in a moment like this. Never. Because those moments were so intimate, so amazing. He was hyper aware of Steve's body and his. It wasn't just fucking, it was making love. 

Steve tried to last, he really did. But because of the serum, he was really sensitive. But he could come more than once in an hour, he had a very short refractory period. It was very very nice. Very helpful sometimes. Bucky came first, though. He felt too many things at once; power, vulnerability, love, pleasure. He came hard, his nails were pressed in his boyfriend's shoulder. It must hurt. But Steve was far too gone to care. His ass tightens around Steve's dick, squeezing him hard. Steve fall, he saw stars, everything became white. He fell on top of Bucky, shaking. 

Bucky brushed his hair with his metal fingers, and he stroked his back with his flesh one. They breathe together, falling slowly into a deep state relaxation. He wanted to feel like this forever. But Steve went into the bathroom to grab water and a towel. They cleaned themselves up and slid underneath the covers. They cuddled for a long time. “That was...  
-Freaking amazing. Let's do it again.”

Steve laughed. “But this time, it's me inside you.  
-Everything you want, Buck.”

It was like Bucky was drunk. He can't be drunk on alcohol, but he can be drunk on Steve. That was freaking good. 

Bucky asked for it very often. Sometimes twice a day. He tried everything. Well, almost everything, he had boundaries right. But those moments were the only one when he didn't have to control himself. He loved fucking Steve and he loved being fucked. He was waiting for this all day. They even fuck in a closet, once. 

Actually, Bucky asked for it that often because he was scared. Scared that Steve would become annoyed and leaves. It was too good to be true. But it never stops. Never. It was three years since he was back, and Steve was still with him. Steve always listened to him, he takes care of him. He loves his softness when Bucky was riding him. Or when Steve was against him, getting fucked hard. Steve always let Bucky led the act, and Bucky did everything for Steve to enjoy it. That was so intimate, so close. That was bucky's favourite thing. 

He loves the pet names Steve gives him; sweetheart, baby, honey, love, buck.  
He was in love, deeply, endlessly, madly...


	4. Chapter 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve decide to spend their free day at the shopping centre. Everything was great! Well, almost everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know, it's been a while since I posted anything here. I'm sorry, it's just that I'm not always satisfied with what I wrote! As you saw, the first few chapters took place in the past, when Bucky was recovering, just after the event of The Winter Soldier. Now, we're back in the present! (Infinity War didn't happen!). Bucky is still recovering, but he's much better than before. Enjoy!

 

One of the things Bucky loved about the 21st century was the clothes. Everything was beautiful. He went to the shopping centre almost every week, with Natasha and Wanda. Tony makes the presentation between Bucky and his tailor: he had a jacket, black in velvet, and a pair of pants, still black in Velvet too. He wore it for Tony's gala, and sometimes at home because he loved this outfit. When Steve saw him in this, he fucked him with the outfit on.   
He loved sweaters the most, it was comfy. He had tons of sweater: black, red, blue ones. Jeans and sweatpants were good too. He loved military boots.

But today, Steve and he are going to do shopping. Steve is getting ready in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. “Why did I say yes?” Steve loves seeing Bucky happy. He does. But Bucky, happy and a shopping centre? He was cursed. Sometimes, Bucky had bought so many things it wasn't possible for Steve to count them. Their closet was full of Bucky's clothes: Steve had clothes too, but he didn't even have the place to put them away. “Steve C'mon!  
-I'm coming!”

Bucky is like a child, on a day like this. It didn't happen often, because Steve ALWAYS has meetings, conference or mission all around the globe. Bucky understands, but he wishes he could see his lover more. Usually, they call each other when they can, so almost every day, even if it was for thirty seconds. But Steve decided to not go to a mission this time, it wasn't so important and Tony wanted to go. They were almost alone in the Avengers QG. So, today was a special day for Bucky: they'll go to the shopping centre and eat at the brasserie they love '(they'll brunch. Steve loves brunch.), after, they'll go do some shopping and after, they'll come home. And tonight, they'll probably watch a movie in the cinema room.   
It'll be a good day.

Steve enters the room. Bucky had tied his hair down. He was beautiful. “C'mon Stevie, if someone took our table because you were late...  
-Buck, we said we are leaving at 9. It's 8:45.”

He hit Steve on the shoulder. “Pleaaase, can we leave? I'm so excited!   
-Okay, okay, we're going.”

Bucky almost runs to the car. They arrived at the brasserie at 9:20, because of the traffic. Bucky couldn't stop talking “I told you we needed to leave earlier.” But their table was free. It was next to a window, where we could see the fountains and the trees. They always took this table. Malena was the waitress, she always says hello to them. She's nice. Steve liked her. She's young, in her twenties, and she works here to pay his studies.

“Welcome here gentlemen, have you decided what you wanted today?”  
She smiled down at them, her little notebook in hand. “Yes, we want two black coffees, pancakes for him and a fruit salad for me, with orange juice.   
-Understood. Do you want french toast?   
-Ummh, yes why not.”

She wrote everything, smiling. “It's been a while since you came here.   
-Yes, Steve had a lot of things to do lately.   
-Oh, in China right? I saw that on TV. Your speech was really... good.”

Steve laughed. “I was so anxious. Did people see that?   
-Nah, you were good. You know I'm honest.   
-Right.”

They laugh a little before Malena goes to the kitchen. “So, what do you want to buy today?   
-I looked at some fashion website Nat' showed me the other day. I want a trenchcoat, a brown one if possible. I like it. And I want jeans. New shoes maybe. A new perfume too.   
-Military boots?   
-Yep.”

Their order came in 6 minutes. They began to eat. “And you? You should buy something.   
-And put them where? We don't have enough place because of you.   
-Then buy a new closet.   
-Oh no, we're not going to the furniture shop.”

Bucky whined. “C'mon!  
-No. The last time we were there, you bought 4 lamps.   
-They were cute.   
-We already had some.   
-That's not because we already own something we can't change them. We can sell the others.  
-We're not going Bucky.   
-Okay.”

They did go. Because Bucky gave those eyes to Steve. Those sad eyes... Steve hated himself, but he let himself be led to the furniture store. They bought a new closet, a big one. Only for Steve (that was a lie. Bucky would put his new shoes in it, he knew.). They bought a new blanket and some things for the kitchen. But before, they went to the clothes shops.

Bucky was running everywhere. Steve lost him, twice. His arms were full of t-shirts, shirts, jeans, pants, sweatpants, shoes, bags, jackets... Steve couldn't even see in front of him. “What do you think of this one?” “I think it fits me, my ass looks good in those.”  
Steve couldn't even answer, because Bucky didn't even let him talk.

A grandma was sitting next to Steve, in front of the few fittings room. They talked about her day while Bucky was trying his new clothes. That was Bucky's favourite part of the day: he created outfits and then showed them to Steve. He was proud of those outfits!   
Steve loved that part too, even if he was complaining. Bucky looked happy. And he was gorgeous. He could look at his ass freely. He complimented his lover, and the looks Bucky gave him were cute.

Bucky opens the curtain a first time, he's wearing black slim jeans with a new pair of black boots, and a big red sweater.   
“What do you think?   
-I love the sweater, it looks good with your eyes.  
-What about the pants?”

He turned for his profile, to show how the jeans took his ass. Steve wanted Bucky to fuck him there. He licked his lips. “Very good. Very very good. Take it.”

He tried a million things. He could be a bin bag and be gorgeous anyway.

The day was good, the sun was warm on their skin and the wind was soft. They were wearing only a thin jacket and holding hands around the centre.   
But, in front of a shop, Bucky has an attack. He stops moving suddenly. “Bucky?”  
His eyes weren't focused anymore, looking at the storefront, without talking. There was a dress, something a teenager could wear.   
“Bucky, hey..”

The owner of the shop went out. “Everything okay?   
-Could you let us come in and close the shop for a minute, please?”

She said yes, of course. Nobody said no the Steve. He bought Bucky in, while the old woman was closing the iron curtain. Bucky's lips were moving, it happened sometimes, and his hands were shaking.

“Bucky, baby, you with me?” The woman was shocked. Nobody knew for them, except the Avengers. But she didn't say a thing. She stayed silent and discreet. Steve brushed his lover's cheek. Bucky was relaxing slowly. He was focused on Steve, looking lost.

“Do you know where we are?” Bucky looked around him, and squeezed the blond's hand, hard. He was panicking. “Steve...  
-Yes, I'm here, we're safe. We're at the shopping centre, everything is okay.   
-Home...  
-We're going back home my love, I promise.”

Bucky straddled Steve's lap, putting his head in his neck, still shaking but letting himself calm down. “I saw.. I- I saw..  
-A memory?”

But he shook his head, almost violently. “No! No! Not a memory. It couldn't be. It could-  
-Okay, okay, not a memory, calm down honey..”

He pressed himself against Steve, who was holding him strongly, to make him feel safe. He called Happy, Bucky was tired, they needed to go back home now, and discreetly. He was coming to get them. “Happy is on his way, we're going home okay?”

But Bucky was half asleep, and he didn't answer. They stayed like this until Happy was there, and they left by the security door.

“I'm sorry about it ma'am. Take the money, for the inconvenience.   
-I won't say a word about it, I promise.   
-Thank you again.”

When Steve was about to leave to join Bucky, the woman talked again. “Is he gonna be okay?   
-Oh. Yes, he's going to sleep for a few hours but he'll be okay.   
-Take care of yourself, then.”

Steve gave her 300 dollars. Bucky was already asleep in the car. When they arrived at home, he put him into the bed and put the clothes away in their new closet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve have a conversation about Bucky's attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! Sorry, but the chapter is very short. The next ones will be longer. I probably won't be able to post anything for 2 or 3 weeks, I have very important exams coming and I have to study a lot. Hope you'll enjoy the chapter anyway!

Steve was painting when Bucky woke up, it was just a little after midnight. Steve had painted the Avengers, some landscape he remembered from old Brooklyn. He painted Bucky, more than once too.

Bucky entered the room, very slowly, he was always a little shy and anxious about coming to see Steve after one of those attacks. He stayed next to the door, and he said nothing. He probably thought Steve didn't see him at all, but he heard his breath. Steve finished the lips he was painting and turned around to see Bucky. When he met his eyes, Bucky put his down.

“Hey.   
-Hey..”  
He was bitting his bottom lip, nervous. His flesh hand was shaking. “I'm sorry for..  
-Don't apologize, Bucky.”

Bucky wasn't watching him, he keeps his eyes on the ground. “I'd like to hug you, but I'm covered with paint. Let me wash my hands, okay?”

Bucky let his eyes look at Steve for a brief moment. They were full of tears. “Sweetheart, what's happening?”

“What do you stay with me?”

He was confused and frustrated. Steve looked shocked for a moment, and he asked “What do you mean?   
-Why are you with me right now, and not with another man or woman? There's much better than me. I'm horrible, I.. I have a metal arm. I'm broken. I don't have a single thing for myself. I never smile, I have those attack. Sharon she was... She was...  
-Don't say that. Stop.”

Bucky shakes his head. “That's the truth, Steve. If you're with me because you feel guilty about the train I-  
-That's not the truth. Stop.   
-You have pity on me. That's what you're not kicking me out.   
-No, Buck. Please, stop.  
-So tell me. Why you, God's righteous man is doing with a guy like me.”

He hated that conversation. He washed his hands, watching colours in the sink.

“Because I love you. We know each other for a lifetime. You're the only one you know me personally. I'm in love with you since I'm sixteen. I'm not staying because I feel like I have to. I'm staying because I love you.” He cups his face, softly. “And I don't care if you think you're pathetic, it's so wrong. You're the best between both of us. You went through hell, for 70 years. You're strong, you survived when you forgot who you were, you survived when they tortured you into submission. You survived everything. You just need time, to remember, to adapt yourself to all of this. You did so much already. I love you..”

Bucky was actually crying. He pulled Steve into his arms. “I love you.” They stay like this for a very long time, Steve was brushing his hands against the asset's back.

“Do you wanna talk about what you saw?  
-It wasn't real.” Bucky hands were shaking again, So Steve whispered a little “sssh..” before asking “What do you mean?”

He turned his face away. “I don't know. I just know it can't be real.   
-Okay. It's okay if you don't wanna talk about it, sweetheart.”

Bucky turned away and went looking at a painting of Old Brooklyn. He stayed silent for thirty seconds. “I saw us. But we were older. And we... Umh… we had a kid. A girl. She was about 16 or something. She called us Dad. It was so real..”

“We had a kid?  
-Yeah..” He put his hand in his hair. “You see, that's stupid. Why did I think about it, before? We couldn't even look at each other in the eyes outside of the apartment without being killed.   
-Maybe that's just something you never let you think because you knew it wasn't possible. But the world is different now.   
-I know.”

Bucky took Steve's hand. “Go to bed with me.   
-Okay, let me just change into something comfortable.”

They went to the bedroom, Bucky lied down while Steve changes into a boxer and went to the bed with me. They cuddled for a moment, in complete silence except for their breaths.

“Maybe we could have a kid,” Bucky said, slowly.. Because, yeah. They could right?   
Steve hummed, a hand in Bucky's hair. “I thought about it, a little. I think we could.”

Steve was already seeing himself, playing in a garden with a kid. Then, he saw Bucky playing with a young girl and.. yeah. That's what something he wanted.

“It's strange. To talk about this. It's like it's not real.   
-You want to be a dad, sweetheart?” Bucky didn't say a thing for a whole minute, he was thinking. Then, he nods. “I think so?   
-Let's take some time to think about it, okay? I'm pretty sure Fury knows some things that could help if we decide to have one. Tony, too.”

Bucky saw himself with a teenager, with a baby, with a kid... He upped his eyes to say something to Steve, but he was already asleep. Bucky couldn't sleep tonight, so he took his laptop, and tapped “adoption procedure.”


	6. Chapter 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fury sets his terms. Bucky doesn't like that.

They talked about it the day after, and the day after, and the day after that. The weeks passed fast. 2 months after the first conversation, they were decided. They were gonna have a kid. They told Nick first, of course, he was their boss, it was an important decision for both of them. It means that they weren't Captain America and The Winter Soldier anymore. He wasn't excepting this when Steve went to his office, on a Monday.

“Did you really think about it?  
-Yes, Sir. More than once. We just wanted to know if it was possible for two men in this state. It's really something we want.”

Nick sighed. “I don't know why I would say no, except The Winter Soldier, maybe.  
-Sir, Bucky was cured in Wakanda, and you know it. The Asset isn't anymore.  
-Can we be sure?  
-Yes, I can contact T'challa if you want. He'll send you the file.”

Nick looked at him, for a whole minute without talking.

“I hope you understand the consequences of your choice. Life isn't perfect, the kid, or kids you'll adopt.. They're not happy where they are, for the most part. They have stories, mainly bad back stories.  
-I know Sir.  
-I believe in you Captain, and if you think Barnes can adopt safely now, I believe it too. But he's a menace, not for you or us, for him. I know for his attacks. Before making any decision, I want you, both, to pass a psychologic test.  
-Naturally, Sir. Of course. When?”

Nick looked at his laptop. “Wednesday, at 10 am, here, in my office.”

Steve stands, and shake Nick's hand. “Say Hello to Sergent Barnes for me.  
-Will do Sir.

-

When Steve opened the door, Bucky was already in front of him in the corridor. He looked anxious.

“What did he say?”

Steve must look a little sad because all the hope in Bucky's eyes left. It was pathetic for him to have thought about it. “He said no, right?  
-He didn't say no, but he didn't say yes yet. He wants us to have a psychologic test Wednesday. We have an appointment.  
-Is that normal or is it just because I'm Bucky Barnes.

Steve smiled a little. “That's the procedure. Everyone does it appear, that's what Nick said, and I believe him. He's with us in this actually.”

Bucky was quiet. He sat on the couch, silent. He couldn't pass that test, not with the PTSD.

“But he knows for this attacks.  
-Did you tell him?  
-No, he just knew. Maybe he kept us under surveillance.”

And he knew for the attacks. It was like they already lost.

“We won't have a kid Steve. I won't pass that test.” Bucky was tired of feeling like this. He was crying again. It was like he spent the past months crying over everything, even over nothing. He won't have a kid with Steve. He just won't. Suddenly, he felt Steve hands on his own.

“You'll pass it Bucky.  
-How can you know? I'm not stable Steve. Look at me.  
-Nobody is really stable, Bucky. Theresa keeps saying you're doing great lately, the attacks happened rarely. You can raise someone, show them your values.  
-Therapists won't think as you do.”

Steve sight. “What did Theresa say?  
-She said she was with us.  
-You see.  
-But...  
-Listen. If one of us don't pass it, we'll do this test, again and again, and again until we both pass it.”

Steve trusted him too much. “I need some air.  
-Bucky...  
-I'll be back in half an hour. I'm going to get smoothies. You want one?”

He stood up, putting his jacket on. “I'll buy you one. You're favourite, with the spinach in it. See ya.”

He closed the door and went right into the elevator. He tried to control his breath, but it wasn't possible. He felt like he could cry again, but suddenly, it was like the air wasn't here anymore.  
He took his phone out of his pocket and called his Therapist.

“James, is everything okay?  
-Fury wants us to pass a test. I feel like I can't breathe.  
-Where are you? I hear cars. Are you outside?”

He didn't even realise he was outside already. “Yes, I said Steve I was going out. To buy smoothies. He likes the one with spinach in it, even if it's awful. It's his favourite. I'm going to...  
-James. I want you to calm down. You should get back to the tower.”

And he was crying. An old woman was looking at him with wide eyes. “I can't. I can't.  
-Why James?  
-I can't let Steve watch me with those eyes again. He's gonna hate me... He's gonna kick me out... I'm not- I-  
-James. You're going to do what I tell you. You go to that smoothies shop, you text me the address, and I'll join you in a bit.”

He stayed quiet a moment. “Okay.  
-Good.”

-

Bucky didn't come back half an hour later. He came back almost two hours later, with two smoothies in his hands and red eyes. Steve looked at him, worried, but he didn't know what to say. Bucky didn't even let Steve trying to talk.

“Hey, here's your smoothie. I tasted it again, it's awful. You're sure you like it or it's just to make you feel good about eating healthy? I'm sure it's just to make you feel good. No one can like this, uh? Did I say already it was awful?  
-Bucky. Where were you?  
-I was at the smoothie shop, down the road. I told you I was...  
-You left for two hours.”

He ignored Steve remark, before drinking his own smoothie, and putting Steve's on the table. “Bucky..” Bucky won't answer him. He took the tv remote and put a movie on. Something funny. But Steve wasn't in the mood. He said nothing, though. It was okay if Bucky didn't talk. He was just hoping he didn't hurt himself. Steve took a pencil and began to draw.

He drew flowers, Sarah's favourite and he lost track of time. Drawing always made him feel better, more calm, relaxed. It was like all the voices in his head just shut up and everything went quiet. Steve loved the quiet. But it didn't happen often nowadays. He remembered when his Ma gave him his first sketchbook and pencil. On his birthday, a year he was very sick. Doctors weren't even sure he'll survive the summer, because it was too hot and humid. But he did, thanks to drawing and his mother, mostly. And Bucky, of course.

He was colouring the flowers in a light pink when he realised the Tv wasn't on anymore. He looked up, to see Bucky watching him, silent, as always. “Lilies?” Steve just nod. “I'm sorry. Theresa joined me earlier, and we talked a lot. I didn't want to tell you, because I felt like I could cry, and I'm tired of crying.”

“It's okay. I was just worried.  
-I know. I should have texted you.  
-It's okay Bucky, really, stop torturing yourself..”

Bucky nodded. “Steve?  
-Yes, baby?  
-It's okay if you hold me a little?  
-Bucky, baby, you know it is. C'mere.”

And he did. Steve held him while putting purple in the second flowers, “We'll go through it, uh? We'll have a kid, right?  
-Yes. I promise you.” He kissed his hair, and they stayed there, for the rest of the day. 

oOo

They were ready for any kind of questions. Of course, they had to talk about their past, even if it wasn't glorious. But they didn't lie. It was a little complicated for Bucky because Steve and he were separated into two different rooms. Two therapists were interrogating them. They asked what were their expectations about the kid, the family... But they just wanted to make someone happy, and make them feel loved. They wanted to raise someone.   
But mainly, they asked a lot of things about the Winter Soldier, his treatment, his attacks, their frequency. Nick gave his approbations about the adoption, and Shuri came talking with the therapists about it. They seemed content with the pieces of information Shuri gave them. 

She stayed for a week, to talk at the UN, and mostly to check on Bucky and teach a thing or two to Tony.

Weeks passed, again and again, and a little after 3 months, a lot of therapists were reunited in a commission. Today was the day of the results. They'll know if they could adopt, or not. When The Avengers knew that they wanted to adopt, they were a little surprised. But extremely happy for them. Tony wanted to buy everything for the Kid's room, and he confessed that he wanted to have a kid with pepper, one day, but he didn't know how to tell her. They had a big conversation about having a kid, and Natasha actually cried, for the first time in front of everyone, because she couldn't have kids one day. Bucky promised her that she'll see their kid a lot and that she'll be the godmother. She smiled and hugged Bucky. 

Now, the Avengers were all in the corridor, waiting for the meeting between the therapist to end to know if they'll have a kid or not. They were waiting for almost 3 hours, which was unusually long for something like this. That means that the therapists disagreed on something. Bucky's holding his boyfriend's hand, almost scratching it in his fist, but Steve didn't say anything. He felt like he could barely breathe, and he was livid. Natasha seemed worried about him, and asked him three times “you sure you don't want to eat anything? The sandwich real good.”

But suddenly, the door opened. And the therapist, the president of the meeting, Sir Aniston came to them. They met him a couple of times, he was very nice and were rooting for them. He showed himself as a very kind man, comprehensive, and he has helped a lot. When he saw them, he smiled, with his professional look, as usual. Steve stood, and Bucky followed him. 

“Hello, Gentlemen. So, I'm not gonna lie, we didn't have the same opinion about all of this, some of them were completely against the idea actually. I mean, you can't really blame them, they think about the kids before anything else, and with your actual position and mental health, that's a little complicated. BUT, we took a decision.”

Bucky looked like he was gonna die. He thought he was. 

“You have the right the adopt.”

Nothing happened. Both men couldn't believe it. Bucky said nothing, absolutely nothing, and watched Mr Adison with wide eyes. Steve laughed. “Sorry, what?   
-You'll have a kid.”

Natasha clapped her hands and came to hug Steve, followed by the other Avengers. Bucky cried. 

“But we have our conditions boys. The kid has to be older than 13, at least. To understand what your jobs are, or what's happening in your life. You need to retire, during the whole adoption procedure and until the kid spent 15 months with you, at home. Of course, if something really really really bad happened, I hope not, you'll go and save our lives again. You have two options, staying at the Avengers Tower or to leave for a little while, but it's better if you stay in our country. We just need to know that the kid is safe, you know, being Captain America and everything. Sergeant Barnes, we want you to keep seeing Mrs Millers once a week, for a year. Even if I know you will. That could be good if you do a little check up with King T'challa's sister once a year, just to be sure, it's not required, but it could be good. We think a kid could help, both, to get better, with the retirement and the rest of it. Is it clear?   
-Totally Sir, thank you.”

He nodded. “Don't fuck it up, boys. You have only one chance.”

He gave them a field with paperwork in it. “In this, you have the address of some orphanage we know and that could be better if you only go there to meet the kids. They're very discreet, they signed paperwork already, just in case. When you'll find a kid, you'll apply a different procedure, since you're different. You'll meet them every week, maybe twice a week for three or four months. Then, you can ask to adopt them. If the kid says yes, then he'll be at your charge. But every two weeks, someone will come to check on them. Is it okay with you?  
-Yes, it is. Thank you so much.   
-You're welcome. Have a nice day, and celebrate it!”

-

When they came back to the apartment, almost running, they opened their laptop and looked which orphanage was the closest to them. There was one not far away, in New York. It was an old building, which looked like something from 40's Brooklyn. It has a big garden. There were pictures with kids playing, and others with their families now. Everything looked perfect. 

“What do you think about this one?   
-It looks great.   
-You wanna check?”

So, they called. They had a meeting at 10:30 am. They would meet the different kids.   
Bucky and Steve didn't sleep at all this night.


	7. Chapter 7

They were ready for any kind of questions. Of course, they had to talk about their past, even if it wasn't glorious. But they didn't lie. It was a little complicated for Bucky because Steve and he were separated into two different rooms. Two therapists were interrogating them. They asked what were their expectations about the kid, the family... But they just wanted to make someone happy, and make them feel loved. They wanted to raise someone.   
But mainly, they asked a lot of things about the Winter Soldier, his treatment, his attacks, their frequency. Nick gave his approbations about the adoption, and Shuri came talking with the therapists about it. They seemed content with the pieces of information Shuri gave them. 

She stayed for a week, to talk at the UN, and mostly to check on Bucky and teach a thing or two to Tony.

Weeks passed, again and again, and a little after 3 months, a lot of therapists were reunited in a commission. Today was the day of the results. They'll know if they could adopt, or not. When The Avengers knew that they wanted to adopt, they were a little surprised. But extremely happy for them. Tony wanted to buy everything for the Kid's room, and he confessed that he wanted to have a kid with pepper, one day, but he didn't know how to tell her. They had a big conversation about having a kid, and Natasha actually cried, for the first time in front of everyone, because she couldn't have kids one day. Bucky promised her that she'll see their kid a lot and that she'll be the godmother. She smiled and hugged Bucky. 

Now, the Avengers were all in the corridor, waiting for the meeting between the therapist to end to know if they'll have a kid or not. They were waiting for almost 3 hours, which was unusually long for something like this. That means that the therapists disagreed on something. Bucky's holding his boyfriend's hand, almost scratching it in his fist, but Steve didn't say anything. He felt like he could barely breathe, and he was livid. Natasha seemed worried about him, and asked him three times “you sure you don't want to eat anything? The sandwich real good.”

But suddenly, the door opened. And the therapist, the president of the meeting, Sir Aniston came to them. They met him a couple of times, he was very nice and were rooting for them. He showed himself as a very kind man, comprehensive, and he has helped a lot. When he saw them, he smiled, with his professional look, as usual. Steve stood, and Bucky followed him. 

“Hello, Gentlemen. So, I'm not gonna lie, we didn't have the same opinion about all of this, some of them were completely against the idea actually. I mean, you can't really blame them, they think about the kids before anything else, and with your actual position and mental health, that's a little complicated. BUT, we took a decision.”

Bucky looked like he was gonna die. He thought he was. 

“You have the right the adopt.”

Nothing happened. Both men couldn't believe it. Bucky said nothing, absolutely nothing, and watched Mr Adison with wide eyes. Steve laughed. “Sorry, what?   
-You'll have a kid.”

Natasha clapped her hands and came to hug Steve, followed by the other Avengers. Bucky cried. 

“But we have our conditions boys. The kid has to be older than 13, at least. To understand what your jobs are, or what's happening in your life. You need to retire, during the whole adoption procedure and until the kid spent 15 months with you, at home. Of course, if something really really really bad happened, I hope not, you'll go and save our lives again. You have two options, staying at the Avengers Tower or to leave for a little while, but it's better if you stay in our country. We just need to know that the kid is safe, you know, being Captain America and everything. Sergeant Barnes, we want you to keep seeing Mrs Millers once a week, for a year. Even if I know you will. That could be good if you do a little check-up with King T'challa's sister once a year, just to be sure, it's not required, but it could be good. We think a kid could help, both, to get better, with the retirement and the rest of it. Is it clear?   
-Totally Sir, thank you.”

He nodded. “Don't fuck it up, boys. You have only one chance.”

He gave them a field with paperwork in it. “In this, you have the address of some orphanage we know and that could be better if you only go there to meet the kids. They're very discreet, they signed paperwork already, just in case. When you'll find a kid, you'll apply a different procedure, since you're different. You'll meet them every week, maybe twice a week for three or four months. Then, you can ask to adopt them. If the kid says yes, then he'll be at your charge. But every two weeks, someone will come to check on them. Is it okay with you?  
-Yes, it is. Thank you so much.   
-You're welcome. Have a nice day, and celebrate it!”

-

When they came back to the apartment, almost running, they opened their laptop and looked which orphanage was the closest to them. There was one not far away, in New York. It was an old building, which looked like something from 40's Brooklyn. It has a big garden. There were pictures with kids playing, and others with their families now. Everything looked perfect. 

“What do you think about this one?   
-It looks great.   
-You wanna check?”

So, they called. They had a meeting at 10:30am. They would meet the different kids.   
Bucky and Steve didn't sleep at all this night.


End file.
